Analyzing Why Dating Can Be So Hard Today

Why is dating so hard? After all, we live in an era of dating apps that are supposed to make it much easier to find the love of your life (at least in theory). Yet, at the same time, it feels like it’s getting harder and harder to find a decent man or woman we actually want to spend time with, let alone the rest of our lives with. This seems to be especially true once you start getting a little bit older and there are fewer and fewer fish in the sea. While dating can certainly feel more challenging today than it did in yesteryears, there are plenty of different things you can do to make your dating life much easier. We’ve prepared this guide to help walk you through the dating process by analyzing why dating feels so hard and what you can do to change that!

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Dating is so hard for many of us. But thankfully, there are many resources in the digital age! Maybe too many, actually. Take a break from the electronics with Adventures From Scratch: Date Edition! You can wow your date with a unique adventure together. Plus, we have conversation prompts to help you get to know each other on a deeper, more meaningful level. Dating doesn’t have to be a rollercoaster of love!

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The Challenges of Dating in the 2020s

Dating in the digital age can feel really hard. Online dating, dating apps, and social media have brought us closer together while somehow simultaneously making it feel like there’s a huge gap between us. This can be advantageous for people who would be too shy to make the first move otherwise. However, it can also sometimes feel like everyone has so many different ways to find a partner that they’re basically throwing a bunch of things against the wall and seeing what sticks. 

But don’t despair if you’re in the middle of a dating rut! This guide to the world of dating is here to help you understand why dating feels so hard. We’ll also share some ways you can overcome the challenges you face. 

Before we get started, there’s one thing you have to keep in mind. Dating should be hard. If you’re in the market for a long-term mate, remember that this is someone who can have a major—and we mean major—impact on your life. This is an incredibly important decision. If you end up with the wrong person, like so many of us have, it can create mental, physical, emotional, and financial turmoil for you. And unless you meet some bad apples and start realizing what you value and what your deal breakers are, you may end up with the wrong person. 

With that in mind, let’s find out why dating is so hard!

There may not be enough options.

Dating may feel more difficult based on the area you live in. If you live in the same small town you grew up in, you may feel like you know everyone a little bit too well to want to become romantically involved with them. 

If this is the case, you may want to expand your net a bit. This could mean being open to the possibility of dating someone from another city, meeting someone online and developing a long-distance relationship, or looking at people from different age ranges. It may seem like a bit of a pain at first, but opening yourself up to different possibilities could make it that much easier to find someone you’re compatible with. Besides, if it’s meant to be, you’ll figure out a way to make it work!

There may be too many options.

On the other hand, you may find yourself with too many options! Also known as the paradox of choice, having a lot of different options can make it harder to find a mate. Back in the day, most people would meet their boyfriends or girlfriends at school, church, or work. Now, you can simply open up an app on your phone and be connected to people around the world. While this can be amazing, it can also sometimes make you feel like you’re trying to find a needle in a haystack!

If you’re struggling with having too many options to choose from, take a step back, and think about what you really want in a partner. Imagine what you want your future to look like. Do you want to be with someone who is carefree and easygoing? Or would you prefer someone who seems to have everything planned out? Asking yourself these questions can help you start weeding out different people as potential partners. 

This doesn’t mean you should cut people out entirely, though. If you really get along well with someone, you can always remain friends with them and still have a meaningful relationship. It also doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind later about what you do and don’t want.

You’re relying too heavily on dating apps.

Dating apps like Tinder and Bumble have been great for a lot of people. But they certainly aren’t perfect. Dating apps have made the dating scene a lot less personal than it used to be. Now, rather than having to work up the courage to say hello to that hot guy or gal at the bar, you can simply swipe right and send a message. This is perfect for the introverts out there. But it may make you lose that initial connection you would have had if you met face-to-face.

Rather than spending hours swiping right and left on Tinder, why not try to meet someone the old-fashioned way? Go out for long walks in the local park, grab a beer at a nearby craft, or sign up for that class you’ve been wanting to take! These are all great ways to meet a potential partner who has some of the same interests as you and likes to do similar things.

Your expectations may be too high.

Okay, okay, we know this probably isn’t what you want to hear. However, before you start rolling your eyes or groaning to yourself, hear us out on this one. While it’s a very good idea to have high expectations when it comes to finding a significant other, you also need to be realistic. 

If you’re searching for a partner who is well-educated, funny, and kind, that’s a great baseline to work with. You know what you want but are still flexible enough to keep your options open. However, if you’re searching for someone who is 6’4″, has a law degree from Harvard, and owns a Manhattan apartment, you may have unrealistic expectations and should probably stop to think about what you actually want. 

Or you aren’t valuing yourself enough.

On the contrary, if you find yourself dating a series of people who are completely wrong for you, you may not be putting enough value on yourself or the things you’re looking for in a partner. For example, if you keep meeting men or women who cheat on you, lie to you, can’t hold down a job, etc., then it’s high time you start placing more value on yourself and what you bring to the table.

So, next time you open Tinder or head out to the bar, take a close look at the type of people you’re attracting and who you are attracted to. Are they the same type of person? If so, you need to sit down and think about what you’re doing and why you’re attracted to a particular type of person. If they aren’t the same type of person, you need to start choosing your significant others wisely and stop putting yourself in a vulnerable position. 

You’re putting too much pressure on yourself.

When you were young, did you dream about what your adult life was going to be like? Did you imagine yourself married in your mid-20s and having kids by your early 30s? Now let’s flash forward to your 30s. Are you content with your life, or do you still think about those childhood daydreams?

While it’s amazing to achieve the life you dreamed about as a kid, a lot changes as you get older, and being single isn’t a sign that you aren’t successful. In fact, it could be a sign that you know what you want and you’re holding out for that special person to come along. Try not to put a lot of pressure on yourself to find a mate. The right person will come along when you least expect it!

You feel too much pressure from outside forces.

In many parts of the world, including the United States, there is still a lot of pressure from family and society to settle down and have a family. This concept can pressure us to find someone to have a long-term relationship with, even if it means we’re involved with someone who isn’t right for us. 

While it’s not always easy, try not to let people’s opinions of how you should be living your life negatively impact you. At the end of the day, this is your life and no one else’s, and you need to do what is right for you. If that means staying single, then so be it!

You aren’t sure what you’re looking for.

Another major reason why dating can be so hard is that you aren’t exactly sure what you’re looking for. As we mentioned earlier, dating is a good way for you to figure out what you want in a potential partner. However, if you’ve been going on tons of dates and are eager to settle down but still haven’t narrowed down what you’re looking for, you may find yourself hitting a lot of dead ends. 

You’re ignoring red flags.

If you keep finding yourself crashing and burning in your dating life, there’s a strong possibility that you’re ignoring all the red flags popping up in front of you. You might find yourself getting swept up in the world of dating without realizing that someone is inherently wrong for you or, worse, that they are very bad for you.

If you find yourself in a pattern where you have a few dates with someone before realizing they aren’t right, think back on the red flags you may have missed along the way. Some of the big ones we tend to miss include talking incessantly about an ex, being rude to other people, and acting like the world is against them. Sometimes, it’s in our nature to try and help people like that. In reality, they may be masking some of their own mental health issues and lack of social skills. In that case, you should be wary!

You’re dating people who simply want to hook up.

Hookup culture is alive and well across the United States, and dating apps have made it easier than ever for Americans to find romantic partners at the touch of a button. It’s tough when you’re looking for love but seem to be stuck on this never-ending rollercoaster of one-night stands and ghosting. You might meet a nice guy or gal for the first time, and just as you’re warming up, they try to cut to the chase immediately. Are you comfortable enough to politely decline? Or do you think maybe the hookup can develop into something else?

Modern dating is tough on your self-esteem, and you may start to feel like there’s something wrong with you if this keeps happening. This could lead you to make even more bad decisions when it comes to your romantic life.

You don’t love yourself enough.

Although we know this one may be a bit cliche, we can’t stress enough how important it is to feel confident in yourself when it comes to dating. If you don’t love or value yourself enough, why should anyone else? At this point, the relationship you should be focusing on is the one you have with yourself. If you haven’t reached a point where you’re happy with yourself, you may have a lot of problems dating other people. 

How to Improve Your Dating Life

If some of the above challenges rang true for you, it likely feels like this hard time is never going to end and that you’re going to be single forever. However, you mustn’t let your happiness hinge on whether or not you have a significant other. The person you decide to share your life with should only be part of your life if they’re doing something to make it better. So, how do you find them?

Be open to new possibilities.

As mentioned earlier, if you’re new to the dating world, you must be open—and stay open—to new possibilities. Even if you’ve dated the same type of guy since high school, this doesn’t mean he’s going to be the person you spend the rest of your life with. 

Be proud of who you are.

Before you go on the first date with someone, give yourself a little pep talk. Remind yourself just how awesome you are, and think about all of your best traits. Go into the date with your head held high, your self-esteem at its peak, and your insecurities on standby. If you meet a dud, shake it off, and move on to the next person. We promise there are good men and women out there who are just waiting to meet you!

Ask the person you like out.

Outdated gender roles have conditioned many of us to think that a man has to ask a woman out to get the dating process started. But what happens when a man is too shy to do that? Should all the single people out there just wait around for someone to do something? Absolutely not! In the real world, dating can (and should!) be equal. Don’t be scared to ask someone out no matter who they are or what social circles they run in. At the end of the day, we are all just people trying to live the best life possible.

Find people who have the same interests.

You’ll likely find dating hard if you keep dating people you have nothing in common with. Rather than spending time on dating apps, go out and meet people in real life. Chat with them for a bit to find out a little bit about their personalities, and then decide if you want to ask them out. If they say yes, use this as an opportunity to let yourself shine. 

If you’re struggling to come up with some unique date ideas, check out Adventures From Scratch: Date Edition. This fun-filled book was specially designed to build a stronger, more connected relationship. Sounds like a good way to get the ball rolling, doesn’t it?

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Getting Ready to Connect

So, why is dating so hard? Do you have a better idea? And more importantly, do you have a plan of action? We sure hope so! Dating today doesn’t have to be such a disappointing and challenging task. Don’t lose hope, and certainly don’t spend a lot of time stressing about it. Finding love could be as simple as enjoying your own hobbies with others!

If you want to read more great relationship articles, make sure to head over to the Connect blog. Here, you’ll find hundreds of articles covering everything from after-school activities for kids to dating advice in the digital age. 

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Frequently Asked Questions